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07 November 2012 @ 07:12 pm
'there are six hundred things of gross importance that I have to say'  
hello livejournal!

Inspired by the wonderful carface I have decided to update myself. Unfortunately my life isn't as exciting as hers, but here's what's been happening since I saw you last:

 - Moved in with a madman landlord. He believes all women want to sleep with him, the archangel Gabriel changed his eye colour from brown to blue, and that homoeopathy actually works. My house-mate is equally as insane and told me this morning that Tony Blair and Michael Portillo rape and kill boys. She read it on twitter, so it's totes legit. She also heals people with a tuning fork in her spare time. Sometimes I just cry myself to sleep knowing these people exist. 

 - I was supposed to move to another town, didn't go, broke Rob's heart and tried to get myself run over. My supervisor found me weeping behind some ghetto-looking bins (true story)

 - Lost my sense of smell so frequently buy xboxes in that smell of cat piss or shite (probably.) I am usually stuck serving the smelliest customers because it won't bother me, but as luck would have it they are usually the most annoying. I am destined to die of a gas leak or from drinking to much sour milk. When it's time it's time, I guess.

 - Aha! Reprieve! Went to East Surrey hospital and they shoved a camera up my nose without anaesthetic -  probably because I looked so tough when they saw me. I have nasal polyps, probably caused by all the cocaine I'm always doing. I'm mad for drugs, me. 

 - Going to start making a list of the ordinary things I fuck up and see if I am actually suffering from some messed-up brain disorder. I actually can't perform tasks like a normal human being, it make people angry with me and that makes me want to fling myself off a bridge. I can't follow instructions, or perform any slightly complicated tasks to any satisfactory degree. Might have something to do with the vast amount of Tennent's and whizz my mother consumed when I was in her womb, or perhaps I'm just naturally slow. We'll see. 

 - There's a bloke that comes in my work and has served me in Wilko's who looks just like Dominique Pinion when he was younger. it's fucking eerie.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominique_Pinon

 - My sister tried to call the fucking police on me, so yeah, we don't speak anymore. I thought I had issues but that girl just takes it the fucking extreme. 
Johnny Sixarms: cognaccarface on November 9th, 2012 10:46 pm (UTC)

Johnny Sixarms: can i help you and stuffcarface on November 9th, 2012 10:47 pm (UTC)
"ghetto-looking bins"